Growing up I had a lot of dreams for what my life would bring. I dreamed of being a vet - until I realized that there was no way I would be able to put an animal to sleep, even for the right reasons. Yet, I am still a vet - I am a veteran of the military, so in a round about way that dream was fulfilled, just not as I had imagined.
I dreamed of getting married in my twenties - this didn't happen, but I did get married to a wonderful man and I really couldn't ask for a better partner. He is by far the best thing to happen to me and while the IF journey has been a hard one, I wouldn't have wanted to go through it with anyone else.
I also had dreams of the large family I would have - I wanted at least 5-6 kids. Obviously this hasn't happened, and it isn't going to. If we are lucky, we may be able to do one more DE IVF cycle- but that is just an "if we are lucky" thing right now - another dream.
The second part of this dream (and the point of this post I guess) is that in those dreams I had all boys. I have honestly never thought I would have a girl. So, when we got the news earlier this week, well it was a bit of a shock. I don't really know what the right words are to describe how I felt - but I had a hard time mustering up excitement when I called my mom. This isn't to say that I am not excited about having a girl - I AM - it was just not the news I was expecting, and it took some time to sink in.
Also, I don't like pink. Obviously there are other colors to use but, the majority of the 'stuff' out there is pink. After extensive searching on the internet I have finally found a nursery set I like (and there isn't a speck of pink in it).
Now that the news has had time to really sink in, I am excited and don't have to try to sound excited when I tell someone the news. R has already referred to her as his "princess" and he is excited about it - much to his surprise, he also was expecting news that we were having a boy - in fact he was excited about it before I was. I am pretty sure I will be outnumbered in many instances in the future as she will have her daddy wrapped around her little finger (more than she already does)!
I guess the point of this post is that dreams change and just because what we always pictured doesn't work out, it doesn't make it any less of a good thing. If nothing else this journey has taught me to be patient (sort of...I am still working on this) and that God has a plan - and that plan does not always match up with our own plans - but His plan is always better anyway, even if we don't see that at the time. Case in point, had I followed that first dream of being a vet (the animal kind) I would never have joined the Navy, and I wouldn't have gained the sense of adventure, level of independence I have, and the willingness I have to take a chance - like moving to Hawaii, where I met my wonderful husband. Had I followed my plan none of that would have happened, and I am eternally grateful that I followed His plan instead. This is, I am sure, just one more case where God's plan will be so much better than my own was anyway.
You are SO, SO right! I've been reminded of this many times in the last few weeks, as much as I'd like to think otherwise- it is all part of the story, and maybe someday it will make more sense. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteSounds like I will have to be the provider of PINK... don't worry, I'm pretty sure I'm up to the challenge :)
I also often wonder "what if" I had done this or that, but if I hadn't I wouldn't be right where I am. And I'm so thankful that I wouldn't change a thing.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how life never works out the way we thought, but still, most of the time, it works out the way that's best! I read the part about your baby girl and laughed, because I have always wanted a girl and am so scared I'll have a boy! Haha. So I feel you on the needing time to adjust to the news thing. I'm not pregnant yet, but I know that when I am, finding out the gender will be a big deal for me, because I've always dreamed I'd have a girl. Deep down, though, I know we can trust that things are working out just exactly the way they should.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I wanted a girl..well.I wanted a healthy child but when i did a sting test and found out it was a boy..I was disappointed..and then thought about all the great things a little boy brings. I have a feeling you are doing the same thing about your little girl! I am so excited for you and can't wait to hear about your new dream. I really appreciate this post about changing of dreams..and appreciating the change.
ReplyDeleteWell said. SO SO SO well said. Dreams don't always come true but thankfully God's plan is always perfect :)
ReplyDeleteIsn't it funny how plans rarely work out the way they're, well, planned. I too wanted to be a vet but I couldn't pass Chemistry 101! But now I have a job that takes care of us and I know is a lot less stressful and intensive than being a vet would've been. Like you, I try and look back on these things when my plans aren't working out to remind myself that it's not ultimately up to me, and somehow, sameday, someway, things do work out.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on finding out the gender!! <3 I can relate to so much of this post. I often picture myself with a bunch of boys. Whenever my time comes, like you, I will be so happy with whatever God blesses me with. But I can completely understand what you're saying. When you picture anything for so long in life, it is hard to see anything different.
ReplyDeleteIF is such a mind bending/dream bending experience. And change can turn out to be some of the best things in life for us. I'm so happy for you and to see that all your dreams are coming true...in all sorts of ways <3
xo
maria