Today is my last day to ever be pregnant.
It is a bitter-sweet feeling. I have to admit that I don't really love being pregnant. Especially towards the end like this when I feel like a blimp and the swelling is getting worse daily. On the other hand...well, I love the end result. And, most importantly, I had hoped that we would have the chance to try for one more.
I think that is the hardest part of knowing that today is the last day. It is in knowing that it will never happen again. Afterall, I can't magically grow another uterus.
I have been on an emotional roller-coaster these last few days....well, since learning that the date had been set and that it was sooner than we were really expecting. You name the emotion, I have probably felt it. But, mostly, I am scared. Not just of the delivery and the surgery to follow, though that has me pretty terrified, but scared for how this is all going to affect Lexi.
God, I love that little girl. Beyond words. I just don't want this to be a terribly hard transition for her. She has been our entire world for the last (almost) 18 months. And now, suddenly, her world is about to be turned upside down. Deep down, I know that having a sibling will be a good thing for her. And, I know that there will be times she will both love and hate it. All I hope for is that she knows how very loved she is and that this new baby is in no way replacing her. (As I sit here bawling...jeez...)
I worry whether or not my heart has room to love another baby as much as I love Lexi. I know that everyone says that it will happen, that God makes it possible. I just can't imagine it right now. Ask me again tomorrow... :)
I wonder whether or not I can do this? Can I handle two babies under two who are at drastically different developmental stages? Oh man am I in for a ride. I am under no illusion that this is going to be easy. In fact, I fully expect to be a bit of a zombie for the next few weeks (months???)
We have been packing in fun things to do with Lexi these last few weeks - going to the zoo, the aquarium, another zoo...just trying to have special time with her before things get crazy for a bit. (pics below)
Thank you to all of you for the love and support these last few months, I don't know how I would have gotten through this pregnancy and its complications without you. If you have a moment to say a quick prayer for us that all goes well tomorrow, we would be grateful. I'll update as soon as I can on how we are all doing.
It is a bitter-sweet feeling. I have to admit that I don't really love being pregnant. Especially towards the end like this when I feel like a blimp and the swelling is getting worse daily. On the other hand...well, I love the end result. And, most importantly, I had hoped that we would have the chance to try for one more.
I think that is the hardest part of knowing that today is the last day. It is in knowing that it will never happen again. Afterall, I can't magically grow another uterus.
I have been on an emotional roller-coaster these last few days....well, since learning that the date had been set and that it was sooner than we were really expecting. You name the emotion, I have probably felt it. But, mostly, I am scared. Not just of the delivery and the surgery to follow, though that has me pretty terrified, but scared for how this is all going to affect Lexi.
God, I love that little girl. Beyond words. I just don't want this to be a terribly hard transition for her. She has been our entire world for the last (almost) 18 months. And now, suddenly, her world is about to be turned upside down. Deep down, I know that having a sibling will be a good thing for her. And, I know that there will be times she will both love and hate it. All I hope for is that she knows how very loved she is and that this new baby is in no way replacing her. (As I sit here bawling...jeez...)
I worry whether or not my heart has room to love another baby as much as I love Lexi. I know that everyone says that it will happen, that God makes it possible. I just can't imagine it right now. Ask me again tomorrow... :)
I wonder whether or not I can do this? Can I handle two babies under two who are at drastically different developmental stages? Oh man am I in for a ride. I am under no illusion that this is going to be easy. In fact, I fully expect to be a bit of a zombie for the next few weeks (months???)
We have been packing in fun things to do with Lexi these last few weeks - going to the zoo, the aquarium, another zoo...just trying to have special time with her before things get crazy for a bit. (pics below)
Thank you to all of you for the love and support these last few months, I don't know how I would have gotten through this pregnancy and its complications without you. If you have a moment to say a quick prayer for us that all goes well tomorrow, we would be grateful. I'll update as soon as I can on how we are all doing.
I can't imagine how scared and every other emotion you are feeling right now. I am sorry that this is the end of pregnancy for you but am so thankful for you that you will have these two beautiful girls to show for it. Lexi is going to be such an amazing sister and they will grow up having such a special bond and friendship. Will be thinking of you tomorrow!!!
ReplyDeleteWow, this snuck up on me!! Hoping and praying for a smooth day tomorrow. Everything will be just fine and you will certainly love the new baby with all your heart as soon as it's placed in your arms. Update when you can!
ReplyDeleteI could've written this post exactly 2 weeks ago! The first week is pretty rough on the big sister but they adjust pretty quickly! But yes you will be a zombie! I am! Lol! Good luck! Ill be thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteIndeed this is it. We'll see you on the other side, when you are a mama of two beautiful girls. I continue to trust that you are well looked after and that your own deep well of resources will see you through this experience. I don't have anything to offer on parenting two young children, but there are many bloggers who do. I just get the impression that like going from no kids to one kid, going from one kid to two is not something one can conceptualize. It just becomes the new normal I think.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Praying praying praying that you all will go perfect. In fact, I came online to see if there r any updates from you and then realized its early morning on tuesday for you...which means you might be in surgery right now, or may have even met your little one already!!
ReplyDeleteYour post made me want to cry - because that's exactly how I feel, about the change from having one kid to two. How it will affect the older one. Especially when the age diff is less than 3 yrs. Oh and I fully expect to be zombie for years, so I think you are optimistic with months :) Yayy, sooon...waiting waiting...
Thinking of you and praying for your growing little family. These are all normal thoughts/fears and you'll soon find that all that worry was for nothing. It'll all work out exactly how it was supposed to. You're stronger than you even know!
ReplyDeleteoh E! Thinking of you and hoping everything went smoothly. Looking forward to your next post as a momma of two. Love all the fun pics of your family and you look great! What a scary and exciting time and I wish you all the best. One thing my sister did with her daughter when she earned big sis status...was C was allowed to have nail polish. Not sure if you do that with an 18 month old but somewhere down the road that is something special for big girls. oxox
ReplyDeleteyou are so brave and so so so strong. i truly admire you. between alexis and calliana, there is so much beauty. i can only imagine how bittersweet it is...your last days of pregnancy. i bet alexis is going to be an amazing big sister. i can't wait to see photos and follow this new journey of yours. <3<3<3
ReplyDelete