Yesterday was a day of many emotions - and often conflicting emotions. Yesterday we saw our RE to set everything up for DE IVF in April. Which, while exciting, also makes it "official" that I won't be getting pregnant with eggs from my own ovaries. I thought I had dealt with and accepted this already. Guess not. I wanted to cry as we were sitting there in the office. The sadness and overwhelming anger at the situation surprised me. I managed to keep it together and after talking to R about it, I feel better and I know that this is the right decision.
On top of the excitement, sadness and anger comes fear and worry. What if this doesn't work? I know it is a possibility. But if it doesn't, we don't have any more options - financially anyway. We are already stretching it. R starts school in January - was going to be October but, due to all of this he will have to work a bit longer to be able to be financially able to not work for 3 years. So this is it. Our 1 and only chance. Sure there is a MINUTE chance we will be able to do a FET, but who knows? So, I am scared that after all of this, we will be left with nothing and that thought is devastating. Oh how I wish my best friend lived near by!
Thanks for "listening" (reading) to my whining!
Happy Friday,
~E
Oh my goodness! It sounds like there are some seriously conflicting emotions going on. To me, it sounds totally normal. I can't imagine starting something like DE IVF without having some (if not all) of those very same feelings! All of the emotions on top of the finacial stress is SO overwhelming. I'm here for you girl. And pretty close by too, seriously let me know if you ever need a friend to hash this all out with over coffee.
ReplyDeleteI will have to work then!!! Smile, think positive and BELIEVE!!!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear of your emotional rollercoaster. We can feel like we're prepared for something, but when you're sitting in that waiting room, it's an entirely different set of emotions. Wishing you so much luck! It's easy to say and hard to do, but stay positive and believe it will happen!
ReplyDeleteUgh. This is all so hard but donor egg success rates are super high! Try to focus on the positive. I know it's tough but it does help!
ReplyDelete