Holiday blahs...

I love my job - I am a teacher - and one of the best things about being a teacher is the breaks. No asking for time off for the holidays or that summer vacation, it is just a given. For this, I am grateful. The other great thing about my job is that I get to work from home which has allowed me to pursue a Master's Degree (I just registered for my last two classes!) and I will be done with it in just a few months, less than two years since I started! That being said, working from home has its downsides - particularly since we are relatively new to the area. Since I don't work outside of the home, meeting people is very hard. I miss having a girlfriend live close enough to get lunch together, or to call and know that she is just a short drive away, not a plane ride away. So, this leaves me lonely while R is at work. Once my work is done the loneliness sets in. Thankfully, I have my dogs to keep me company - but as much as I love them, sometimes I just need adult conversation (talking to my students doesn't count). When I find myself bored or lonely I bake - which is all fine and dandy, but I have been really lonely lately, and thus have been baking more than usual. The problem with this is that, not knowing anyone here to give baked goods to, R and I end up eating it all. While I enjoy the treats, they are not ideal for the diet. I guess I need to find a new hobby. But, time is a bit of an issue, I work full time for one school and part time for another, plus working on my own school work makes it a bit more challenging to find a new hobby.
The upcoming holidays brings out way too many emotions - excitement because I love Christmas - as does R, he didn't have the greatest childhood and they never had a tree or decorated for Christmas, so now he more than makes up for it and loves every second of it. This year, the holidays also are bringing sadness. I am sad that we still don't have a baby, and that we likely will never have one that shares my DNA. Not that this means we won't be parents, just that he/she won't have that piece of me, and this makes me sad as well. Had I not miscarried, our baby would be celebrating his first Christmas this year. I am angry that this is our reality now. I have been overly emotional this week - a few days ago I got really upset when I saw a couple dogs wandering the neighborhood - they were obviously well cared for and lost...of course they didn't have tags, so we couldn't call their owners and only one of them would come close enough to us so we couldn't get them to a vet's office or shelter to see if they had microchips. It was of course raining that day, and I imagined how I would feel if it were my dogs, how scared they might be,,,,and then started thinking of our family dog that got out when a wind storm broke the fence and she got out and was hit by a car and had to be put down...and it just went on and on until I was nearly in tears. Other stupid things are making me feel weepy and I just wish it would stop. I am sure if I would just sit down and let myself cry I could just get it out of my system.
So, I guess that just leaves me to go do some more baking....
E