Dear 2010,

I really thought you would be a better year. At the end of 2009 I looked back and thought that 2010 just HAD to be better, afterall, I lost my baby in 2009 - so 2010 had to be better than that. But, at the end of 2009, I still had hope that I would be able to get pregnant, that I would get to have a baby. 2010 has dashed those hopes. With the diagnosis of premature ovarian failure, I no longer have the hope of having a baby that is genetically 'mine' - now I am looking at using a donor. Thankfully, my sister has volunteered to be that donor, so there will still be a genetic link - but it still isn't the same. Yes, I will love that baby just the same, but right now, it still hurts.
2010 started off in a new state - one that I am less than thrilled to be living in. I miss the sunshine and truly am coming to despise the nearly constant cloudy, gloomy, rainy days. I know it would help if I got out and met some people and made some friends - but with working from home, it is difficult. And lonely. My closest girlfriend lives 1300 miles away. I am forever grateful for her and don't know what I would do without her - but it would be nice to have someone close by to go and have coffee or lunch with. I am hoping to change that and have contacted an infertility support group at the church we recently started attending and plan on attending a meeting next week.
2011 starts off with worries and concerns over money - how in the world are we going to come up with the money for Donor Egg IVF?? And, with R starting school full time in the fall, he won't be able to work (school is 7-4 Monday - Friday), so we had hoped to have the car paid off by the time he starts school. How are we going to do this?? I have no idea. I just pray that we figure it out. I am angry that IF is interfering with our plans.
When it is all said and done, I sincerely hope that 2011 is a better year. One with a miracle!
Happy New Years! Be safe and have fun!