The good news = Baby Girl is HEALTHY and has NO birth defects!!!! I cried tears of relief and joy at this news. So very happy with this news.
The not-so-good news = (we will know more in 5 weeks when we go back) They are almost positive that I have placenta accreta again. He did say that there was a chance that things would look better at the next appointment but, given the elevated AFP, ultrasound confirmation, and history of it, the odds of it not being this are slim at best. What this means (per THIS dr) is that they will plan for a hysterectomy immediately following the c-section (or as part of it, however you want to say/think it). The risk of hemorrhaging is big and in order to decrease the risk of me dying this is how they like to proceed. She will be here early. He indicated that generally the birth will be planned for 36 weeks (mid-July) but that the main 'goal' is to get to 34 weeks without any further complications, and that if there is bleeding there is the chance of taking her at 32 weeks. This scares me, plain and simple.
I don't remember a lot about Lexi's birth - thankfully we had to do a C-Section as I never dilated. I say thankfully because had I had a vaginal birth, things could have been real bad. It was bad as it is. R told me some of the details yesterday - it scared the crap out of him (he said he had seen people who were shot {he was in combat in Afghanistan} who bled less) - they literally brought in a bucket to scoop up the blood that was pouring out of me. My blood pressure bottomed out several times. Luckily their "we'll try this one last time" effort worked and my blood pressure stabilized and I did not need blood transfusions or any other interventions.
So, I get it - the plan to do a hysterectomy - but, I don't like it, at all. In fact, it makes me SAD. Obviously, I don't want to die - I want to see these girls grow up AND I want to be there for them - I don't want them to have to grow up without there momma. But - We planned to try again for another baby after this. Don't get me wrong - I am ETERNALLY grateful for these two babies and yes, our family could be complete with just the girls. But, that does not change the fact that we wanted one more.
My IRL friends don't get it - they all seem to act like this is not a big deal (and have said things to this effect) and it ticks me off. It IS a big deal. Maybe it is our IF history and the fact that this makes it so that I will NEVER be pregnant again - it will NEVER even be a possibility. And for this, I will mourn - I will be sad and maybe a little bitter - for awhile. Does this make sense?
Also of note is the placement of the umbilical cord - instead of attaching to the placenta in the center, it is off to the side on the far edge of the placenta. This means that baby girl may be small and so they will monitor her growth as well. As of yesterday she was in the 56th percentile and at 18 weeks 5 days was measuring at 19 weeks 1 day. So, so far so good.
Clearly, the good news of the day was fantastic and we are SO happy for it. Thank you for all the prayers! I don't know that I have ever prayed so hard and so much in my life - and I hope that I don't have to do so again anytime soon.
And on to weaning -
We have been working on this for several weeks now. Slowly decreasing the number of times Lexi nursed. The main reason for weaning being the pain (which I now believe is because she changed the way she was latching and her teeth were constantly pressing into my nipple - not biting, just clamping on...ouch). I worked with her on this and she would eventually change it, but she was always starting out this way, and it nearly had me in tears on more than one occasion. But, we have now gone our first 24 hours without nursing. This makes me sad in a lot of ways - thankfully it wasn't "planned" that the last time would be the last time nursing so I didn't have the sadness then...just now that it is over (but, my nipples are happy, haha). We will see how this goes from here on out, but I am almost positive we are done. It is weird that something we have done every day for just a few days short of 14 months is now over. But, now my boobs get a little rest before baby girl 2 arrives.
A little bit of cuteness to sign off (she hates having anything put in her hair - but darn it, I think she looks cute - this lasted about 4 seconds before she took it out):
E, i am SO SO happy to hear that baby is thriving and healthy. SO very happy. i've been thinking about you.
ReplyDeletei'm so sorry to hear about everything else. and i'm very sorry that your irl friends don't seem to understand. i truly and completely get it...you have EVERY right to feel the way you do and to desire what you do!! i think it's important to grieve and feel whatever you need to feel to get through it. you will remain so strongly in my thoughts and prayers. i hope and pray that the next months are "uneventful" and full of hope and more peace as time goes by.
glad to hear lexi is "done"...she's so stinkin' cute! love her hairdo (even if she doesn't) ;)
sending so much love your way.xoxox
maria
I am so so glad that baby girl is healthy!! It sounds like you had to hear some difficult things at your appointment, but overall it's things you can deal with now that you know I'm sure that's scary to have to face a hysterectomy sooner than you had hoped (if you ever had planned on that), but at least your doctors are on top of everything to keep you and your baby safe.
ReplyDeleteI am very glad to read that baby girl is ok. And while this news of an almost confirmed accreta isn't great, I am glad they've caught it before the birth, so that you don't have to learn about the need for a hysterectomy a few minutes after having given birth. Still, I totally get how hard this is (they were talking to me about a hysterectomy when I had the postpartum hemorrhage). The thought of having it be so final, and not being able to fulfill your dream of having 3 kids is really difficult. Be gentle with yourself as you mourn this loss. It echos so many other losses you've had.
ReplyDeleteYay for baby girl being healthy!!! That is wonderful news.
ReplyDeleteCan you get a 2nd opinion from another doc, just for your peace of mind?
I am looking into a second opinion - I would like them to at least TRY to save my uterus instead of just saying 'oh sorry' and taking it without even an attempt.
DeleteI am so happy that the baby is healthy!!!
ReplyDeleteI have been told time and time again that I may need to lose my uterus, but it hasn't happened yet. They shouldn't know that they have to take your uterus out until your C section takes place. Many doctors just assume that you don't want more than two children, so they may as well take it. If you impress upon them the fact that you still wish to have another child, and that they should attempt to save your uterus unless your life is at stake, than they will attempt to save it. Note that the key word here is attempt. I like my uterus, thank you very much, even if I don't ever use it again. :)
Firstly, so very happy to hear that baby girl is healthy!!! :) That is such wonderful, good news.
ReplyDeleteBut at the same time, I am so sorry to hear that it sounds like it will be a hysterectomy for you after the birth. I can't imagine how hard that is to process when you had hoped for one more. I am also sorry that some of your friends can't understand what a big deal this is for you. You absolutely deserve to be sad and angry and upset about this. Of course the most important thing is keeping you and your baby safe.
Ohhh weaning... it is going well here.. down to 2 feeds a day (now that nurse all day sickie Lids is feeling better) but this week she has been biting sooo hard and so much (teething) and I am almost ready to just say stop now. It hurts so much everytime. I am dreading her nursing right now and I hate that :( Hope the rest of the weaning goes well for you and Lexi. You definitely deserve a break inbetween now and baby #2!! I didn't even think of that!
Oh thank God for baby girl!! I came online just to check on you. Now can I please say "I told you so!!".
ReplyDeleteI am sorry about everything else :( You have every right to mourn this. It is heartbreaking to be told that the doctors will decide the future of your family. A lot of people struggling with secondary infertility say that they commonly get "but you already have one child" comments, but that cannot heal the ache in your heart for another child. I hope baby girl makes it to 36 weeks. I have lived a NICU life, and I don't want to see you go through it.
Big hugs to you. Way to go with the weaning Lexi!!