So I am done with work for the day and while I should be doing some homework, I just can't get my mind to cooperate and focus on the topic at hand. So, I am trying to find something worth watching on TV - as I am browsing through my options I can't help but notice the show on TLC, "I didn't know I was pregnant" and all I can think is SERIOUSLY??? (or the 16 and pregnant, etc.) it actually hurts to see these titles - when I am doing all I can to try and get pregnant there are people out there who are pregnant and don't even know it? UGH! Then of course there are all the "baby story" and "bringing home baby" shows...again...these hurt. I know that I should not harbor ill feelings towards those who are fertile, and I don't...well, not really. I just can't help thinking how unfair it all is. *sigh*
On a better note, I got my paycheck from my part time job - the first one to go entirely into a separate account for saving for IVF. YAY! While it is still FAR from what we will need, I am happy to see the balance increasing. If only our insurance would cover ANY of this - but, they do not cover anything remotely related to fertility. Lucky us, everything has to come out of pocket. I envy those with coverage for these expensive treatments. I haven't added it all up yet to figure how much we have spent so far...but I am positive it is well over $3,000 at this point. I have considered looking into getting insurance that will cover it - but I just don't even know where to start - and I don't want to delay any treatments while we are waiting on insurance...and it is probably too late to consider that anyway since we have already begun treatment. Again, *SIGH* - I know that somehow we will come up with the money to afford IVF (thank goodness R has a good paying job!)
I hate feeling so frustrated, angry, sad and at times hopeless....I just want what so many of my friends have "easily"
Well, off to make dinner...
Until next time
~E
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